Friday the 13th.
You know what they all say about Friday the 13th.
"It's unlucky."
"Don't go out, you'll get in an accident."
"It's bad luck!"
Unfortunately, I was one of those very few who get really scared about Friday the 13th. Hah. I don't know why, but I get chills at the thought of it. I don't remember being in an accident before. Maybe it's just something that I got used to or grew up with, you know.
Anyway, here's how I overcame my fear of Friday the 13th...
December 13, 2013.
It was a Friday. Yes, Friday the 13th.
It was an ordinary day.
At least, it started out as one.
I woke up early. We were supposed to pick up a toy (which was my gift for the little one) from Kris of Power Retail in Mandaluyong. I was so sleepy (and scared at the thought of Friday the 13th) that I had to let Marshall go alone instead.
Boogie was sick that time, so when Marshall got home, we decided to bring her to the hospital after running our errands.
Destination 1. We couldn't get through as the road was under construction.Destination 2. We got lost along the way and when we finally got there, I changed my mind and decided to leave and get an ultrasound instead.Enroute destination 3. We were running out of gas in the middle of a traffic jam. I remember crying because it was already past 4pm and the last call for ultrasound was 4:30! I was an emotional wreck when I was still pregnant, it's hilarious. Lol
But luckily, we got in just in time for my ultrasound! Before the sonologist started the ultrasound session, she was kinda cheeky and talkative. That's why when she started to get quiet in the middle of our session, I started to get nervous and immediately asked her if there's something wrong.
Indeed, there was.
I was only 36 weeks along and was running out of amniotic fluid. The only part of his body with enough fluid to sustain him was his head. I was so nervous I kept on asking her what would happen. She said I had to call my doctor, and I did. And that's when my doctor said I had to go to the hospital as I needed to be induced right away. I had mixed emotions. I was nervous, but really excited at the same time. I immediately called my parents and siblings and they were pretty excited too. Except for my Papa, who was really nervous. Hehehe. Of course, we had to go home to drop off Boogie and to get my hospital bags. I had a nice, hot shower, too! :-) I remember Mama calling me and asking why I haven't gone to the hospital yet. I told her I was busy putting on make up. Haha! I just had to put on my favorite Red Matte lipstick from Mac! :-)
When we got to the hospital, I was checked and there and then we found out that I was already in active labor. And since I wasn't feeling any pain, I decided to go all natural. I told the doctors that I won't be needing any epidural/anesthesia. I was too eager to go natural that I was even willing to sign a waiver.
Labor
My labor went pretty well. I even got bored and asked whether I could go out and walk around. Of course, they didn't let me, but they did allow me to call my family (who was staying in the suite room) and chat with them. That went for about 30 minutes or so. My mama was really nervous at that tine that she would visit the labor room almost every hour to check on me. She would even bring food. Isn't she the best??? Hihi. Anyway, I didn't get to eat the chocolate cake she bought me and I was so heartbroken by it that I decided to doze off for a while. When I woke up after an hour, my doctor arrived. That was about past 10. She said she's expecting me to give birth around 6am the next day and told my parents about it. I was 5-6cm already then, I think? They were about to go home and rest when the doctor called them and asked them to stay due to an emergency.
I could still remember it clearly...
They were about to check on my little angel. They took out the doppler and placed it on my tummy. We couldn't hear a thing. They tried to use another doppler, but still to no avail. They all started to look at one another. I was so confused and startled, I started to sweat. I didn't know what was happening. They tried to resuscitate him inside of me but there was no progress in his heartbeat. That very moment, I felt it already -- the fear of losing someone you never met but loved so dearly. It was so great I couldn't feel anything else. I couldn't even cry. So when my doctor told me she had to cut me open, I said yes and I was brought to the operating room already.
Birth
I fell half-asleep in the arms of the attending doctor and the nurse due to shock. When the anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural, they cut me open right away. I could still feel the tugging and pulling but it was more uncomfortable than painful. When my doctor said the baby's out, I waited and waited for that beautiful cry. The time seemed to stop because it felt like forever... When I started to ask for him, he cried. It was a short, loud cry. It was so beautiful... When they showed him to me, I kissed him and let him latch on my breast. He was so beautiful and so tiny. He weighed only 5.1 pounds and measured 48cm long but he filled up my heart.
Hours after my operation, I was already walking my way to the nursery to breastfeed him. The first time I held him, I cried. He was so small and lovely. I stayed for about an hour with him, just looking at him and telling him how much I love him. Every 2 hours I would walk back and forth with my catheter and dextrose intact just to see him. Everytime I was with him, I didn't feel any pain, only love and happiness.
How can someone so little mean the world to me?
On Being A Parent
Although I still have a lot to learn, I'm very confident that I learned pretty fast when it comes to taking care of our little angel. I guess it's because of my parents who taught me well and guided me throughout. Even though I still break down every once in a while, I believe I'm giving him enough, as I'm giving him all of me.
My Post-Partum Realization
Now that I've become a mom, I've come to realize that despite being a cry baby, I am, in fact, a strong woman. And no, it's not because I labored for hours without any anesthesia nor is it because I was already moving around only hours after they cut me open, but because I've managed to keep my composure even after everything I went through. I admit, I almost got depressed due to a lot of things I need not to elaborate on. I would cry myself to sleep at night and would resort to confinement. But I made it through. I endured demeaning words and sneering remarks, unsolicited nods of disapproval and unjust demands of others. I endured them. I survived them. But of course, I have my family and my partner to be thankful for, for they listened to me every time I couldn't take it anymore. And my son, for unleashing a potential I never thought existed in me.
Thankful
I want to thank each and everyone who became a part of my pregnancy and my birth. You are all lovely.
I want to thank my family for always taking care of me, for making sure I never miss a meal and for simply being there for me. You have provided us everything and for that I couldn't thank you enough. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you all so much.
I want to thank my Marshall for tending to my every need, for understanding my post-partum forgetfulness, for always sleeping early at night just so he could get up early and help me with Ram and for still loving me even when I didn't take a shower for about a week after giving birth. Hehe you are the best and Ram and I are blessed to have you forever. I love you!
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See?
What started out as an ordinary Friday the 13th full of surprises turned into an extraordinary one when I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, my very own Armando Marcial.
