After I gave birth, I knew nothing about breastfeeding. My parents had children during the time Formula feeding was already the norm. Nobody in the family breastfed. But I was lucky enough to have that one friend (whom I never talked to back in college, but fortunately got close with when I found out she wag pregnant too!) - Aimee Macandog - who helped me throughout the start of my breastfeeding journey. When I almost gave up, she invited me to join Breastfeeding Pinays on Facebook. And that's how my advocacy started.
I didn't have the best start. I couldn't even say it was a good one. My son was 2.2 kg when he was born, and he seemed to be losing weight each day. When he was roomed in, all he did was cry, especially during his scheduled blood extractions and random injections. One time, when I made him latch, he cried. Out. Loud. I got so scared I stopped offering my breasts, so I pumped instead. I had a single electrical pump, so it took time before I could pump enough milk for him (I didn't know what was enough). When he took the bottle, I felt relieved, but somehow felt that I already lost the battle. With the amount of milk I pumped, I thought it was next to impossible to continue pumping for him. So I had them buy us a big can of formula.
When we were sent home, when I couldn't anymore handle the stress of having to pump as he cries (I didn't know there was a pumping schedule I should adhere to), I tried to offer again my boob -- against all odds, against what I "thought" was best for my son. He stopped crying, latched on, and he drank away. I cried...and told everyone about it. They didn't understand my happiness. I knew the benefits, they didn't.
Just when I thought everything was already going smoothly, he started crying all day. I was so close to opening that can of milk when my gut feeling told me to wait and do more research. I searched about growth spurt, but it didn't seem like it. He was clearly in pain. So I tried researching more -- and that's when my partner came in the room and told me. "Mahal, uminom ka na ng gatas?". I said yes. I drank a can of Bear Brand. He told me Ram could be reacting because of the milk I drank. And that's when he told me -- "Ituloy mo lang yan mahal. Nabasa ko na tama ka, na yan ang the best para sa anak naten. Nag research ako at tama ka. Salamat sa pagmahal sa anak naten at sa pagbigay sakaniya ng the best. Salamat.."
I was more determined than ever. I was my son's main source of nutrition, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Days after days, he became heavier and heavier. But I knew I had to go back to school again, so I researched for the best pump. I bought a lot of different pumps. Single, Double, Manual, Electric -- name it, I've tried them all. My last resort was the Medela Double Electrical pump, which was probably the best. I went to Medela house with high hopes that it would work for me. But it didn't. So I decided to visit a lactation consultant. She said it's normal for some not to be able to pump enough, but that doesn't mean I had no milk -- I actually had an abundant supply. Pumps aren't just meant for me. Maybe it's because of my PCOS, maybe because my breasts were used to direct feed my son--whatever the reason was, I left the clinic crying because I thought it was already over for me.
I told my parents I couldn't go back to law school that year, because formula wasn't an option for me. They were very understanding, even when I couldn't fully explain the benefits of breastfeeding to them. So I decided to work for our family's company instead.
Someone once told me that breastfeeding my child this long could make him autistic. I found it offensive, but I chose to stay silent and smiled at her because... I knew the benefits. She didn't.
Someone once told me that I should start weaning my child because I need some time alone. I found it not valid enough to stop, but I chose to stay silent and smiled at her because... I knew the benefits. She didn't.
I didn't have the best start. I couldn't even say it was a good one. My son was 2.2 kg when he was born, and he seemed to be losing weight each day. When he was roomed in, all he did was cry, especially during his scheduled blood extractions and random injections. One time, when I made him latch, he cried. Out. Loud. I got so scared I stopped offering my breasts, so I pumped instead. I had a single electrical pump, so it took time before I could pump enough milk for him (I didn't know what was enough). When he took the bottle, I felt relieved, but somehow felt that I already lost the battle. With the amount of milk I pumped, I thought it was next to impossible to continue pumping for him. So I had them buy us a big can of formula.
When we were sent home, when I couldn't anymore handle the stress of having to pump as he cries (I didn't know there was a pumping schedule I should adhere to), I tried to offer again my boob -- against all odds, against what I "thought" was best for my son. He stopped crying, latched on, and he drank away. I cried...and told everyone about it. They didn't understand my happiness. I knew the benefits, they didn't.
Just when I thought everything was already going smoothly, he started crying all day. I was so close to opening that can of milk when my gut feeling told me to wait and do more research. I searched about growth spurt, but it didn't seem like it. He was clearly in pain. So I tried researching more -- and that's when my partner came in the room and told me. "Mahal, uminom ka na ng gatas?". I said yes. I drank a can of Bear Brand. He told me Ram could be reacting because of the milk I drank. And that's when he told me -- "Ituloy mo lang yan mahal. Nabasa ko na tama ka, na yan ang the best para sa anak naten. Nag research ako at tama ka. Salamat sa pagmahal sa anak naten at sa pagbigay sakaniya ng the best. Salamat.."
I was more determined than ever. I was my son's main source of nutrition, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Days after days, he became heavier and heavier. But I knew I had to go back to school again, so I researched for the best pump. I bought a lot of different pumps. Single, Double, Manual, Electric -- name it, I've tried them all. My last resort was the Medela Double Electrical pump, which was probably the best. I went to Medela house with high hopes that it would work for me. But it didn't. So I decided to visit a lactation consultant. She said it's normal for some not to be able to pump enough, but that doesn't mean I had no milk -- I actually had an abundant supply. Pumps aren't just meant for me. Maybe it's because of my PCOS, maybe because my breasts were used to direct feed my son--whatever the reason was, I left the clinic crying because I thought it was already over for me.
I told my parents I couldn't go back to law school that year, because formula wasn't an option for me. They were very understanding, even when I couldn't fully explain the benefits of breastfeeding to them. So I decided to work for our family's company instead.
It helps a lot, you know, having a family and a partner that fully support your advocacy and your choice to nurture your child with your very own milk...
...But it doesn't mean it isn't a bumpy road. Unsolicited pieces of advice and nasty remarks are often given by people who never even experienced doing it. Even when you try to tell them that what they thought was wrong. But it didn't break me. I knew the benefits. They didn't.
...But it doesn't mean it isn't a bumpy road. Unsolicited pieces of advice and nasty remarks are often given by people who never even experienced doing it. Even when you try to tell them that what they thought was wrong. But it didn't break me. I knew the benefits. They didn't.
Someone once told me that breastfeeding my child this long could make him autistic. I found it offensive, but I chose to stay silent and smiled at her because... I knew the benefits. She didn't.
Someone once told me that I should start weaning my child because I need some time alone. I found it not valid enough to stop, but I chose to stay silent and smiled at her because... I knew the benefits. She didn't.
I didn't breastfeed because it made me feel like the best mother. Trust me, I was formula fed but I could pretty much say that I have the best mother in the world and that I am not even close to being as beautiful and as good a mother as she is.
I didn't breastfeed because I want my son to love me, and just me. Before and after he feeds, I make sure he bonds with his daddy and our family. He is close to me not just because he drinks his Dede from me, but because he knows I love him.
I chose to breastfeed because:
1. It made me feel like I'm GOOD enough to be a mother. To be Ram's mother. I wanted to breastfeed him because it made me feel better about everything that I couldn't give him. And for someone who has nothing else to give to her son, that's something.
2. It is the best start for my son. According to WebMD, "Breast milk provides the ideal nutrition for infants. It has a nearly perfect mix of vitamins, protein, and fat -- everything your baby needs to grow. And it's all provided in a form more easily digested than infant formula. Breast milk contains antibodies that help your baby fight off viruses and bacteria. Breastfeeding lowers your baby's risk of having asthma or allergies. Plus, babies who are breastfed exclusively for the first 6 months, without any formula, have fewer ear infections, respiratory illnesses, and bouts of diarrhea. They also have fewer hospitalizations and trips to the doctor."
I guess that pretty much answers why. ;)
I am proud to say that I have been breastfeeding my son for 20 months now. It wasn't easy, it still isn't...but my son is worth it. :) I will stop breastfeeding him when he weans on his own. I don't know when it's going to happen but it will...so please, be kind and just let us be. I am doing what I know is best for my son and that's how it's going to be for the rest of our lives. I am not a perfect mom, even though I try, but I have the most perfect son... And he deserves nothing but the best. :)
Love,
Maxi Mama
A Proud Breastfeeding Mama
