On Taking Second Chances

PS: I am truly sorry if there's any grammatical error or lack of thought organization. I was very emotional when I made the video last year, and I unfortunately had no time to redo it. :-)

Why I Make A Crappy Girlfriend

Why do I think I make a crappy girlfriend?

 

I make a crappy girlfriend because I am pretty annoying. More often than not, I intend it. Other times, well, I don't mean to annoy you, it just comes out naturally. Trust me when I say I always try to stop being annoying when you're already making that "angry face" of yours. But I just can't help it. I'm annoying and I like annoying you for the sole reason that you get annoyed by it.

 

I make a crappy girlfriend because I am more on the crazy side. I laugh at non-sense jokes. I cry at the least romantic movies. I hate hugs but I would require you to hug me before we sleep, would feel abandoned when you don't and would remove your arms when you do. I dance when I'm happy, even in public. I do the weirdest and craziest things.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I have bad sleeping habits. I crack my knuckles, my hands, my neck and my feet before I sleep. I usually rub my feet with yours to put myself to sleep, even when you're already fast asleep. I move around to find my sleeping position and once I do, I don't want you to disturb me because I will bite you.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I'm a cry baby. I cry when I'm happy and when I'm sad. I even cry when I'm mad and when I'm scared. I cry when I see a cat coming towards me. I sometimes cry for no reason at all or for a petty one, say, when the electric fan is on (which is weird, I know). I have a bottomless tub full of tears hidden somewhere inside my eyes.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I have a weird preference when it comes to food. I don't eat much rice, but I will take as much as 1/4 of your viand and maybe all of it if I really like it. I want my lucky-me mami dry with two eggs battered in it. I like my pancit canton filled with cheese. I prefer cooking fried food with butter, or with nothing at all.

I make a crappy girlfriend because when I order three sets of food, I only eat the first set I ordered or maybe only half of it and make you eat the rest. I don't know, I like it when I see you eating, even when I know you will feel bad afterwards for eating it all.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I get jealous very easily. And as if that's not enough crap already, when I get jealous, I tend to ask stupid questions and throw a hissy fit when you fail to give me a valid and detailed answer. When I catch you saying hi to a girl I don't know, I expect you to tell me right away who that is and where, how, why and when you met, etc. Or else...

I make a crappy girlfriend because I love having arguments. I never give up on an argument even if I already know that it's pointless or that I'm wrong. I always try to find a way to make my argument right, and yes, I always, always, always succeed.

I make a crappy girlfriend because when I'm sick or sad, I get really cranky. I would push you away when you try to take care of me, and feel neglected when you don't. I tend to throw temper tantrums, too, so I expect you to hold me down whenever I do.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I drink too much. I can drink for one whole night and not get drunk. But when I've already had one too many drinks, I go crazy and need to be taken care of.

I make a crappy girlfriend because I have trust and commitment issues. I have extremely high walls that need patience and love to be taken down. When I say I trust you, I do, even when I show a hint of doubt sometimes. I am a big paranoid, that's why.

I make a crappy girlfriend because whenever we watch movies or TV shows, I secretly search for its plot/synopsis on Google. I hate being surprised. I like knowing the story beforehand. I love cheap thrills, too, but I'm just one impatient person.

I make a crappy girlfriend because, like what I said in the preceding paragraph, I am impatient. I expect you to answer my calls all the time, even when you're asleep. I expect you to reply to my messages within 10 minutes of reading it. Or else, I go hysterical. I don't like waiting.

I make a crappy girlfriend, JUST BECAUSE.

I make a crappy girlfriend, I know… But I love you more than I love my blueberry cheesecake. And I don't think anyone can beat that!

 

Can't you see? I'm the only girl made for you. I may be a crappy girlfriend, but I love you immensely, my perfect, silly boyfriend and I'm not gonna let any other girl, or boy, for that matter, take you away from me. :-)

What Kept Me Going

People often ask me how I'm doing after what happened to me last month. And whenever I answer, "I'm actually doing pretty good", they start asking me when and how I was able to make it through.

When?

I don't really know.

I just woke up one day, my eyes filled with tears, my heart and body numb, and I knew it was time... It was time to pick up my tiny, shattered pieces and move on with my life because locking myself up within the four corners of my small room and resorting to solitary confinement would only do me more harm than good.

That very moment I stood up and decided to go out with my family and have a good time. I think that's the first night I let out a genuine laughter after what happened. I drank for the first time after two months and got really intoxicated. I remember throwing up at 3:00 am and munching on food I was prohibited to eat when I was still pregnant. It actually felt good.

How?

This is relatively easy.

I was able to make it through because of my family and my friends.

My family was there for me throughout, never leaving my side even when I refused to communicate at first. They bought me comfort food, gave me pieces of advice and words of wisdom and hugged me whenever I breakdown, which, fyi, happened almost everyday. I remember all of them trying to call me after my operation and when they heard that it went well without any complications they celebrated and got themselves drunk at home (I didn't want them to stay with me at the hospital because I know it would break their hearts to see me crying and bleeding and I don't want that). I have an amazing family and I would have lost it if it weren't for them.

My friends, even when they weren't physically around, made me feel like I was never alone. They sent me messages and whatnot to make me feel better. I want to thank all of them here, but they're just too many. All I can say is that I am truly blessed for having a multitude of good friends and I am thankful for that.

Of course, I would not have made it through if it weren't for these two:

They were there for me before, during and after what happened. They took care of me; served me food and drink; turned on the television and the lights when I couldn't stand; and never left my side even when I was already unbearable. They were there with me at the hospital, kissed me before the operation and patiently waited for me outside the operating room. When I bled massively after the operation, they were the ones who cleaned me up and set me to sleep. I was already lucky for having the two of them, and I got even luckier now for having an angel whom I know will guide us throughout.

____________________________________

So how am I doing? I'm doing pretty good. I still cry occasionally, and sometimes blame myself for what happened. But I'm doing good. :-) Honestly, I am scared that it will happen again when I get pregnant again in the near future, but I am not scared to try again. And I will try again. God knows how much I want this. And I know I deserve this. We deserve this. :-)

PS: I wanted to upload a picture of my family but they're very private people and we agreed not to upload their pictures here.