People often ask me how I'm doing after what happened to me last month. And whenever I answer, "I'm actually doing pretty good", they start asking me when and how I was able to make it through.
When?
I don't really know.
I just woke up one day, my eyes filled with tears, my heart and body numb, and I knew it was time... It was time to pick up my tiny, shattered pieces and move on with my life because locking myself up within the four corners of my small room and resorting to solitary confinement would only do me more harm than good.
That very moment I stood up and decided to go out with my family and have a good time. I think that's the first night I let out a genuine laughter after what happened. I drank for the first time after two months and got really intoxicated. I remember throwing up at 3:00 am and munching on food I was prohibited to eat when I was still pregnant. It actually felt good.
How?
This is relatively easy.
I was able to make it through because of my family and my friends.
My family was there for me throughout, never leaving my side even when I refused to communicate at first. They bought me comfort food, gave me pieces of advice and words of wisdom and hugged me whenever I breakdown, which, fyi, happened almost everyday. I remember all of them trying to call me after my operation and when they heard that it went well without any complications they celebrated and got themselves drunk at home (I didn't want them to stay with me at the hospital because I know it would break their hearts to see me crying and bleeding and I don't want that). I have an amazing family and I would have lost it if it weren't for them.
My friends, even when they weren't physically around, made me feel like I was never alone. They sent me messages and whatnot to make me feel better. I want to thank all of them here, but they're just too many. All I can say is that I am truly blessed for having a multitude of good friends and I am thankful for that.
Of course, I would not have made it through if it weren't for these two:
They were there for me before, during and after what happened. They took care of me; served me food and drink; turned on the television and the lights when I couldn't stand; and never left my side even when I was already unbearable. They were there with me at the hospital, kissed me before the operation and patiently waited for me outside the operating room. When I bled massively after the operation, they were the ones who cleaned me up and set me to sleep. I was already lucky for having the two of them, and I got even luckier now for having an angel whom I know will guide us throughout.
____________________________________
So how am I doing? I'm doing pretty good. I still cry occasionally, and sometimes blame myself for what happened. But I'm doing good. :-) Honestly, I am scared that it will happen again when I get pregnant again in the near future, but I am not scared to try again. And I will try again. God knows how much I want this. And I know I deserve this. We deserve this. :-)
PS: I wanted to upload a picture of my family but they're very private people and we agreed not to upload their pictures here.
No comments:
Post a Comment